| dan's profileThe DepotPhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
February 07 I praiseI pause
for this moment. This whisper of eternity that you have given me. I
close my eyes and relax and listen. I forget about it all and simply
draw nigh to you. I find myself kneeling on a sea of glass that
stretches infinitely in every direction. Before me the likeness of a
throne or rather something of undescribable beauty that glows and
radiates. Upon this is He who is worthy. Power and authority permiate
the air and flow out from Him. And I am humbled. It is during these
times when I kneel before you that I have a correct view of the way
things are. The way they should be. Of who I am. And of who You are.
Lord. Father. Master. Shepherd. Beautiful One. Lover of my soul. Rose
of Sharron. Everlasting. Pure. Infinite. Eternal. My Peace. My Hope. My
Fortress. My Shade. My Rock. My Fountain. My Love. I struggle to speak
to breath. I cry. Out of shame I pour out my tears for I am not worthy,
I am frail. I am a creature that has been blessed with something he
doesn't deserve. Life. You are Holy and Righteous and Just. I am a
sinner; weak and with a tendency to stray. Deserving nothing less than
eternal justice. If you were to show me my place in hell and ask it of
me even now; I would take it with only two words on my lips. Thank
You. My tears run down my cheeks out of joy. You
are Loving and Gracious and Merciful beyond measure. Beyond words or
thoughts of a simple creature such as I. And I lift up my voice with
the angels and cry out with all those who love You. HOLY! HOLY! HOLY!
Merciful and Mighty!! For You are my peace and my joy. You are my hope.
So I cry. 'Lift up your head O ye gates. Be ye lifted up ye everlasting
doors and the King of glory will come in. Who is this King of glory?
The LORD strong and mighty. The LORD mighty in battle. Lift up your
head O ye gates. Even lift them up ye everlasting doors and the King of
glory will come in. Who is this King of glory? The LORD of hosts, He is
the King of glory.' and I praise.For You are my life and all else is
but a shadow compared to You. You are the King of glory and I will seek
to glorify You in life and death. I am Yours. This is my pledge. This
my oath. My life and death in service to the King of glory. For You
alone are worthy. You alone are worthy to be praised. So i close my
eyes. I let go and I praise. February 02 something newso figured since i have this i might as well use it..we'll see what happens. September 27 thoughtsmy
thoughts. I'm tired but lately that seems to be the norm. I struggle
constantly with what to do. I have so many things on my mind. On my
heart. I miss you. I need you. So i wait. For a word from you. A touch.
A sign. I know i need to finish school so i'm looking into going back
in the spring. money is tight so i'm looking into getting a second job.
But i wonder if that is best. If i'm trying to meet my own needs. If
i'm not relying on you like i should. If my faith is so weak that
i'm trying to do something cause i'm afraid you won't. Please don't let
that be the case. I need your help. your guidance father. I don't
know what to do. I know i need to wait on the whole relationship and
trust you with that but what about everything else. finances. I don't
know. i need to know. God i need to know. this is something i've always
struggled with and have even walked away from you because of. I don't
know what to do. I'm torn. You know my heart and that the tears i cry
are out of fear and frustration. I feel like a failure and that i'm not
good enough. I"m sorry. For not being stronger. Living better being a
better example. People at work probably think i'm a joke and my
testimony is probably shot there. PLease don't forsake me. Don't hate
me. I just want to know. God I need to know what you want from me. For
me. For this next moment. I'm at a cross roads and i don't want to be
that guy who falls away because he did what he wanted instead of what
he knew he needed to. I don't know. I just want to know. please show
me. please open my eyes, my heart. Please open doors. I don't
know what is best. i know you do..but i don't. i need to. i want to use
my talents for you ..but i really don't know where to begin. what to
do. how to do what ever it is. it's said that you ask and then if i
answer you will equip me. Are you asking me to do anything? am i not
listening? can i just not hear you? Am i so bad that your not even
bothering with me? these are my thoughts. my fears. Please use me. help
me to be usable. I don't know anything except for what you tell me. So
father please tell me. PLease. Use me. I want to be used. My flesh
cries out for me to do one thing. To become someone who may end up with
everything but will loose what is important in the process. My
heart...longs for you. To know you. To hold you. To be held by you. God
I need you. My heart is broken and like a flood the tears come, pour,
wash over my face....and i cry. |
|
||||
|
|
